The Bakers Homepage

Well this is another week of work and another week counting the days until the weekend.  Lately I have been loving my new job and the kind of work I am doing but not this week.  I started this week off in the worst possible way.

My wife was given a couple of books for her birthday last week and I stole one before she could get to it because it looked very interesting.  As a result I have been reading "The Last Lecture".  This is a great book that extends Randy Pausch's amazing lecture about achieving your childhood dreams and I would recommend it to anyone.

Well I said my week did not start off well so why all this background information.  I was reading the book before bed Sunday night and just finished a chapter about how he was worried about his family and how they would cope once he passed away.   He said he was requesting relatives and friends to help out in various ways.  I then recalled how he passed away just that day so I was thinking about all the emotions everyone involved would be feeling.  Would they do as he requested and help his family out now that he has passed?  Would they be able to recover quick enough from his death to be there for his family?

Well I have a very active imagination and as I went to sleep these were the last things on my mind, and the final few questions turned towards me and how I would be in a similar situation.  Death is a scary topic of discussion and it was able to take a grasp of my thoughts and pull my dreams down a very sad storyline.  I did not sleep well and instead had very vivid dreams about suffering a massive head trauma and waking up to find that my family expected me to never do so.  Then upon waking everywhere I looked I could see angels and bright light as though it was following me.  I could not convey any of what I witnessed to my loved ones because the head trauma had robbed me of speech.  I could only conjure a few words, enough to let everyone know that I would not be with them for much longer.  I knew I was dying and had no way of convincing others.  They all thought I was just suffering from the trauma and would be back to normal soon enough.  Then the end of my dream had my wife and I driving to a presentation given by my wife when the bright light and the angels caught up to me.  Suddenly I regained my motor function and could communicate properly.  This of course was bittersweet as I only had time to say goodbye and tell my wife I loved her.  At this moment as my life was leaving my body I woke up.  

So that crazy imaginative dream has now caused me to be in a constant state of concern and discomfort.  I woke up frightened on Monday morning and then as I lay down to sleep Monday night it took more then an hour.  I cannot get the images of the angels and the light out of my mind, or the thoughts I was having as I knew I was dying but could not communicate this to anyone.  I was afraid and I think this emotion has crossed over into my conscious mind and has started messing with me.

Oh well I am sure that given one good nights sleep I will feel much better and be back to my worry free, care free self.  Until then I hope that venting on my blog or just spending some time contemplating will help me get over the insanity that is my mind.